My Fourth and Fifth Concerts

I can't remember which concert I went to first, so...

The fall of my freshman year at college was a time for me to get out and discover music. Although, I mostly listened to the same stuff I had been into for the previous year.

That fall, a friend of mine and I saw Primus at the Newport. We took the bus down to campus and got our mosh on. (Someone please remind me never to write about getting anything on ever again. At least I didn't write that "we got our drink on" or some other stupid shit like that.)

The dexterity at which Les Claypool could bang out a song on the bass had me awestruck. I could better see at this show the skill with which he played as compared to the cavernous venue of the previous summer's Lollapalooza. This was probably at the height of Primus' fame.

(My cousin saw them when he was in high school and their name was Primal.)

Florida and I waited at the bus stop with some crazy preacher and a drunk, white-trash couple making out for our ride home.

The other big concert I saw that fall was Nirvana at Dayton's Hara Arena. This was the show that made me the "guy-who-goes-to-concerts". We had to sit high in the arena since we did not have floor tickets, but the usher assured us that we could probably sneak onto the floor once Nirvana went on.

After nearly falling asleep during the Meat Puppets' set, my brother, his friend Jeff, and I made our break for the floor. That was the last I saw of those two until after the show, in the snow-covered car.

This has to be one of my four or five greatest concert experiences. There were announcements over the PA for a guy named Chad to come to the stage. We figured this was a joke about the band's former drummer.

Pat Smear was particularly funny at this show. Joints were tossed at his feet. He'd pick them up, take a sniff, acknowledge the audience, and pocket the spliff.

The rest of the band was as reckless as I had dreamed they'd be, playing all the songs I wanted them to. That was the most violent mosh pit I had ever experienced and still enjoyed.

I still have the ticket from that show. It's stained from the orange parking stub that bled once I had sweat through my jeans.

I remember running through the snow to the car. I had to put on my frozen letter jacket (because I wouldn't dare wear that thing to the concert) as I tried to warm up the car. Shortly after, my brother and Jeff found their way to the car. We reminisced the whole way home, buzzing from what we had just witnessed: the raw greatness that has made Nirvana the icon it is today.

My Third Concert: Lollapalooza '93

My brother used a sick day to buy our tickets to Lollapalooza '93 at Buckeye Lake just east of Columbus.

I remember taking the day off from work at a YMCA Camp. When I had asked my boss to take the day off, he simply asked for some documentation. I proceeded to write an essay proclaiming Lollapalooza's value as a cultural event. They still have that paper in my file at Camp Willson.

We picked up a couple of girls who went to our high school and followed the family hairdresser and her husband as they weaved through highway traffic through Columbus.

It was a typically hot and humid Ohio summer day. We often found ourselves refilling water bottles and desperately searching for shade in the open field.

Rage Against the Machine opened the show nearly assaulting the audience. I remember Zach de la Rocha screaming something about the police. At that exact moment, several of the rent-a-cops and state patrolmen gathered in a group. I don't know if was just a coincidence, but they definitely gathered during Rage's set.

That day, we watched the fem-Nirvana of Babes in Toyland. A puppet show that featured all the holes of the body highlighted the second stage along with sets by Tool and the Coctails. Arrested Development got the crowd dancing and Dinosaur Jr induced head bobbing.

The show was co-headlined by Alice in Chains and Primus, two of out favorite bands at the time. Layne Staley of Chains came out in a suit before finally stripping down to almost nothing. Primus ended the night. One of the highlights was when Fishbone's Angelo Moore joined Les Claypool for a few songs.

This was probably the day that single-handily changed my view of the world. Between the numerous bands, hemp stands, and pro-choice I saw that there were viewpoints way outside of my current scope.

My Second Concert: Spin Doctors

This was the show that told me I needed to be more discriminating in my concert choices. Although I was only 18, most of the audience was 5-6 years younger...not counting their parents.

Thank god Screaming Trees opened. Their presence alone kept the evening from being totally forgettable.

My First Concert: Soul Asylum

March 17, 1993:

I was a senior in high school. It was a cold St. Patrick's Day. I got my picture in the Columbus Dispatch.

That night, we headed to Columbus to catch the Soul Asylum show at the Newport Music Hall. Green beer was flowing. We bought our t-shirts and received free, matching hats.

Vic Chestnut put on an inspired set that put the crowd to sleep. There were people actually sitting on the Newport floor for this portion of the show. The audience actually cheered when his set was done.

The Goo Goo Dolls came on to impress with their blue-collar Buffalo punk. All I can remember is how one of the guys had the longest, shaggiest bangs I've ever seen. There were no accoustic power ballads that night.

Soul Asylum came on and promptly played all their hits. We moshed. We had fun. We ate tacos.

Hamilton Leithauser Wanted to Buy You a Drink

We were at Little Brothers for a Walkmen show, hanging with some friends, and enjoying a few beverages.

Walkmen front man, Hamilton Leithauser, approached my sister's roommate. He offered to buy my sister's roommate a drink.

She turned him down.

We never forgave her for this.

Take Off the Mask, Conor

I saw Bright Eyes play a raucous show once at Little Brothers in Columbus. Conor Oberst came out wearing a rubber George W. Bush mask. He only lifted the mask slightly when he needed another swig from his rather large bottle of red wine.

The mask stayed on through two or three songs despite pleas from several young women in the crowd to take it off. They just wanted to see his face, which they did, eventually.

Stephen Malkmus Doesn't Know His Own Lyrics and Blackie Onassis Is Gay

A buddy of mine used to work for the weekly entertainment rag in Columbus. His editor had been around and seen a few shows in her day. One of those shows was a Pavement show at Stache's.

After the gig, the woman approached front man Stephen Malkmus. She proceeded to tell him that he sang the wrong lyrics to Pavement favorite "Summer Babe".

Knowing that he wrote and recorded the song in question, Malkmus disagreed. The woman insisted that he sang it differently than how he had on the record. Malkmus stuck by his story and eventually escaped my friend's boss.

It should also be noted that this same person who questioned Malkmus also tried to proposition Urge Overkill drummer Blackie Onassis, also in Stache's. While making a b-line for the uber-cool percussionist, Marcy Mays (Scrawl co-founder) stopped the editor from making a terrible mistake. "Don't waste your time," Mays warned. "He's gay."

Too bad no one stopped her from making an ass of herself to Malkmus.

(Stories courtesy of Chad.)

Bob Pollard's Drunk Again

Bob Pollard has been known to drink a lot while performing on stage with his band, Guided By Voices. I saw him last one song with another band, The Flaming Lips.

The band packed itself onto the tiny stage at Stache's and began to rip through "Motor Away" as Pollard joined them with a beer in hand. The problem was that Bob was singing but there were no vocals to be heard. Eventually, he figured out that the mic had been switched off.

As Mr. Pollard literally slumped to another side of the stage (a spot in which he'd stay the rest of the evening), Wayne Coyne asked if he had forgotten the words to the song.

Bright Eyes and the Drunk Kids Catholic

My brother and sister went with some friends to see Bright Eyes at the historic Southgate House in Newport, KY. After a stirring performance, Conor Oberst came back on the stage with an acoustic guitar to perform an encore.

One of the friends who accompanied my siblings was this guy Andy. Andy, as is typical for him on a night out, had many, many drinks. As I'm sure many of you are aware that alcohol is really just social lubricant that releases drinkers from the chains of inhibition. Of course, Andy doesn't need much help at shedding his inhibitions, but he was rather juiced this particular night.

Like what happens whenever an artist comes out for an encore, fans scream for their favorite songs. Apparently, Andy's favorite Bright Eyes' track is "Drunk Kid Catholic" and he asked Oberst to play it. And he asked. And he hollered. This continued through Oberst's first song of the encore.

Finally, Oberst had had enough (wine and Andy's request) and stormed off stage.

Fast forward about six months later at Detroit's St. Andrews Hall. It was my brother Nate's birthday and several of us met at this show to celebrate.

Nate started the night off by ordering a beer. I ordered right next to him. I was a little put off that the beers were so expensive that all I got back was a quarter, so I turned around without leaving a tip. The bartender saw the quarter and thought Nate had left a quarter tip (which he had actually left nothing, but that's besides the point) and threw the quarter at Nate's head. Needless to say, Nate had to be careful which bartender to approach for the rest of the evening.

Eventually Bright Eyes filled the stage and put on a decent show. Nate and our friend CJ decided to honor Andy by hollering for "Drunk Kid Catholic" throughout the set...or at least once they got drunk enough to not care anymore.

Once they got bored with this request, instead of screaming for another BE song, they altered the title by replacing "Catholic" with any religion they could think of. Drunk Kid Mennonite. Drunk Kid Baptist. Drunk Kid Muslim.

Between requests, Nate and CJ were buying each other drinks at an alarming pace. Finally, the bar refused to serve either one. So, I bought them drinks.

The night ended with Nate pushing the issue further by arguing with the same bartender that tossed the quarter at him earlier. On our way out, Nate condemned Detroit and all its occupants.

I later gave Nate an MC5 record I purchased that day in Ann Arbor. Happy birthday...you drunk kid Agnostic.

Eric Judy Needs a Job

A friend of a friend has lived in Seattle since graduating from college at the turn of the century. Being the hipster she is, she has worked all the cool jobs in Seattle, including bar tender, florist (at Pike's Place), and coffee shop manager. It was this last job that allowed her an opportunity to meet Eric Judy of Modest Mouse.

On a typically rainy day, Judy walked up to the counter and asked for the manager. My friend recognized Judy right away and was slightly star-struck. Judy proceeded to ask her for a job.

It seems that Modest Mouse was on hiatus and it was unclear if they were ever going to get back together again. Isaac Brock was as unstable as ever and drummer Jeremiah Green was playing with the band Satisfact. Judy had kids to feed.

My friend bought him a coffee and sat down to chat. She basically talked him out of applying for a job because he was Eric Judy of Modest Mouse. Judy took her advice and left.

Within a year of his job hunt, Judy and the other members of Modest Mouse recorded Good People Who Love Bad News.

My Sister's Liquid Courage and Stephen Malkmus

Stephen Malkmus and his Jicks were set to play Little Borther's. I arrived between the opener and Malkmus' set to find my sister three sheets to the wind and boasting of a conversation with SM.

She gathered up enough courage (ie a few beers) to strike up a conversation with SM. She told him how much Pavement had meant to her since she was 13 or 14. She bragged about attending their last American show (at Cincinnati's Bogart's). SM finally got a word in and mentioned that former Pavement percussionist/hype man/Moog-beater Bob Nastanovich was at the show, selling t-shirts.

Bob, aka Nasty, was happy to chat with a Pavement fan. Nasty now lives in Louisville across the street from Churchill Downs. My sister proceeded to tell him how our family used to go down to Louisville every year for a big sheep show. She compared al sorts of insights about sheep with Bob's knowledge of horses. This impressed Nasty and SM.

Career Advice from Bob Pollard

The first time I ever saw Guided by Voices was on the second stage at Lollapalooza in 1994. They were supporting Bee Thousand which should be on every one's top-ten of all-time, no excuses.

After GBV put on an electric set in the hot, summer sun, Bob ended up hanging out at the second stage's merch booth. The drunkard of an indie rock genius struck up a conversation with my brother. Nate told Bob that he was heading to Wright State (Bob's alma mater) in the fall to major in elementary education (again, Bob's major). Pollard proceeded to tell my brother what a great profession teaching was. Of course, just as Bob had, Nate eventually gave up this dream and now plays in bands in Dayton.

I didn't get to meet Bob Pollard. Instead, I met Adam Duritz of Counting Crows just before he leaped into the mosh pit for the Flaming Lips set on the second stage.

The Six Degrees of Sub Pop

My uncle grew up with a friend named John. My mom even dated John's brother once. The boys eventually went their separate ways to college. My uncle attended Kenyon (I believe) and John traveled out west to Evergreen State in Washington.

Eventually, John invited my uncle to join him in the Pacific Northwest.

It was the eighties and there was a thriving music scene developing in this part of the country. Besides the local acts, my uncle got the chance to see bands like Black Flag and The Replacements. However, my uncle succumbed to a few demons and had to return to Ohio.

Whatever happened to John? Well, his full name is John Poneman. He joined Bruce Pavitt in establishing the record label Sub Pop. Sub Pop would later gain fame during the grunge era with releases by Nirvana, Mudhoney, Soundgarden, and others.

Ben Folds Noticed My T-Shirt

I took my sister to see Ben Folds Five at Bogart's in Cincinnati. We ate at the Mediteranean restaurant a few doors down. Ben Folds and a friend walked in to eat just on the other side of the restaurant. My sister was frozen with anxiety.

I decided to go to the restroom to get a better look. As I walked past, Ben said to his dinner-mate, "Hey, that guy is wearing an Archers of Loaf t-shirt." And I was.

This Guy, Lee Ranaldo, and Archers of Loaf

The night after the lady licked my ear clean at the Guided By Voices show in Dayton, I decided to brave yet another GBV show, only this time in Columbus.

I was driving with my friend John and a couple of his buddies.

One of John's friends - let's call him "Steve" since I don't remember his real name - heard me mention Archers of Loaf and had a story to tell.

Steve went to school somewhere in North Carolina. He drove over to Chapel Hill one night to catch Archers of Loaf in their hometown. As an added bonus, Steve met Lee Ranaldo of Sonic Youth outside of the venue.

Steve and Lee struck up a somewhat friendly conversation. Then, Lee wanted to go in before Archers of Loaf began their set, so he went around to the back entrance, as rock stars tend to do, and said he'd meet Steve inside.

Steve started to walk up to the front entrance when he noticed two concert-goers being turned away because they were not 21. Steve, who was 20 at the time, didn't know what to do. He really wanted to see Archers of Loaf and wanted to continue his conversation with Lee, but now he was unable to enter the venue.

A few minutes later, Ranaldo comes out looking for Steve. Steve tells him the situation. Lee offers Steve his ID and says he'll meet him inside.

Steve promptly walked up to the doorman and handed him his ticket and Lee's ID. The doorman looked skeptically at the ID, at Steve, and then back at the ID. He asked Steve what year he was born.

Who really knows how old Lee Ranaldo is? Steve apparently did not. He guessed something like 1962 (Lee was born in 1956) and was turned away as the doorman kept Lee's ID.

Steve eventually got in the back door with Lee's help, but the only thing he could remember from that Archers of Loaf show was his encounter with Lee Ranaldo.

My Shoulder Helped Mike Watt

I went to see Mike Watt once at Stache's in Columbus. Nels Cline played in his band that night and did not seem out of place. Mike used my shoulder to get on stage and said, "Thanks, buddy."

Licked

I have been licked twice by strangers at shows. Coincidentally, both shows were Guided By Voices concerts.

The first was a GBV show at Columbus heavy metal venue, Alrosa Villa. Opening up for GBV were longtime local favorites Thomas Jefferson Slave Apartments and New Bomb Turks. The Slave Apartments came on before I was officially licked.

My friends and I were stationed right in front of the stage as was usual for me in my college years. New Bomb Turks' front man Eric Davidson made a b-line for the fresh-faced boy in the indie rock t-shirt: me. Before I knew it, Davidson licked the side of my face (or licked his hand and wiped it on my face - I've never really been sure). The band continued to play with the Iggy-like singer belting away some punk rock poetry.

It was either later in the song or another song all together when Davidson returned to my spot in front of the stage. He leaned over and began pointing frenetically at his cheek. I looked at him and then to my friends. No one knew what he wanted from me. I didn't either, but I reacted anyway by licking the man's sweaty face.

My friends were horrified, especially my girlfriend, but I didn't really care.

The second time I was licked at a rock show was a couple years later at a GBV show in Dayton.

I was down to my last two cigarettes when a woman who had been taking pictures on the stage asked me for one of those cancer sticks. She appeared to be some mid-to-upper-thirties groupie who had probably seen some wild parties in her days. I protested, but she said that she'd make it worth my while. I told her not to bother and that she could just have the cigarette free of charge.

I handed her the cigarette and she asked me for a light. I promptly held up my lighter but had to take it back when I realized the drunkard was holding the cigarette backwards. Against my better judgment, I turned the cigarette around the right way and lit if for her.

The woman was so appreciative that she reached for my head to lay one on me. I quickly turned my head only to receive the painful shock of her tongue half way down my ear canal.

My friends pointed and laughed. There aren't enough Q-tips in the world to clean the slobber of an over-the-hill groupie-photographer-wannabe from one's ear.

Guided By Voices rocked both nights, by the way.

Thurston and Lee in an Alley

The day after seeing Sonic Youth open for Wilco (Jim O'Rourke-palooza) in Cleveland, I got to meet Thurston Moore and Lee Ranaldo in an alley.

We had just finished eating dinner at Bento A Go Go in Columbus and a buddy of mine (now in The Sun) claimed to have seen Sonic Youth inside, ordering bento boxes. This was highly likely since Sonic Youth was playing that night, next door in the Newport (the US's longest running rock club).

We left Bento by driving down the alley behind the Newport when we saw them. It was Thurston and Lee just standing there, signing autographs. My sister, who also attended the show on the previous night, and I were too afraid to approach our heroes, but my crazy friend Nicki was not.

Nicki made us pull over and she leaped out of the car to meet these two guys she had never heard of. After we watched Nicki talk to T & L for a few minutes, she ran over and told us that they wanted to meet us.

Except for my wedding, I've never felt so nervous in my life. All that I could muster was "You guys were good last night". This was my chance to ask about stories of playing for the first time with Steve Shelley behind the drum kit in Columbus or letting underage fans into clubs on Lee's id. I wanted to talk about how they rebuilt their instruments from scratch in order to make their unique sound only to have these same instruments stolen while on tour. I had tons of things I wanted to know but no gumption to speak up.

Nicki, on the other hand, had no problem. She asked what the "pace" button on Lee's shirt meant. She asked how tall Thurston was and about his daughter. Coco. She explained that she had never heard their music before but was way more into folk. She went on and on, and T & L thought she was fascinating.

Now, I know what you're thinking: The only reason Nicki was so comfortable with T & L was because she didn't know who they were. Well, that ain't the case. I witnessed Nicki go right up to Joan Baez at a peace rally and hug her. She's had heart-to-heart conversations with Ani DiFranco and Tori Amos. Nothing phases her.

After Nicki and 2/5 (O'Rourke was with them) of Sonic Youth chatted it up in the alley, the guys signed my sister's Sonic Youth tote bag and we sulked away. I doubt I'll get a chance to talk to them again, but at least I had a chance.

Isaac Brock at Sudsy Malone's

I've met Isaac Brock, the front man of Billboard darlings Modest Mouse.

It was a crisp November in 1997 at Cincinnati's Sudsy Malone's. Sudsy Malone's is a great bar/club/laundromat (yes, I wrote "laundromat") that's located in an artsy neighborhood of the Queen City. There's a cool, old-style bar with plenty of selection, a lax doorman, a stage with its back to the front window, and several washers and dryers in the rear. We arrived early - before the doorman was even ready - and hung out, waiting for the show.

The bands did not disappoint. I sat atop the bar as 764-HERO and Modest Mouse collaborated for "Whenever You See Fit". Soon after this show-stopper, MM played a raucous set. We were plenty satisfied.

Although the band mostly played new material, a girl who traveled with us talked Brock into playing "All Night Diner" even though he was tired of the song. It didn't hurt that the girl was cute.

We got a chance to chat with Eric and Jeremiah who were rather pleasant fellows. They asked what I bought from the merch table. So, I proudly showed off my new Mouse t-shirt and a 7". The record was "Birds vs. Worms" which Jeremiah didn't really care for, but we all agreed that the packaging (pressed on marbled powder blue vinyl in a translucent, rice paper sleeve) was really cool. According to Wikipedia, there were only 500 of these singles pressed.

We hit the John and headed out the door for our hour drive back to Dayton. As we made our way up the street, we saw Brock with this woman hanging all over him. Brock had had conversations at previous shows with this guy, Adam, that was with us who was wheelchair-bound (MS I think). The two acquaintances shared a common interest in having beat poetry and Buddhist imagery tattooed all over their arms.

Brock promptly stopped us and told the woman that he needed to talk to us since he hadn't seen us in a long time. After exchanging pleasantries, Brock invited us back to the bar for some drinks. I talked to him about seeing Modest Mouse in Columbus the year before. He remembered being weirded out about playing a bagel and beer joint, but he loved that night's opener, Tiara.

Our group re-entered Sudsy's, and Brock headed to the bar for those promised beers. He returned with a beer in each hand. He handed (the three of) us one and kept the other for himself.

The rest of our discussion was dominated by Brock insisting that we find a dance club that was still open at 2:30 AM. This was Cincinnati, not New York. We eventually left a little star-struck.